Wolf

The terrible cold chills
--my love for the outside
diminishes...

but only for a short time.
My insides -
intestines
heart
bile
yearn to be barefoot.
Resisting what is believed
to be.

My teeth chatter but wish to
feel the first kill of the day--
The scent of another calls me away
calls me toward a different place.
A place built with appliances
 and man-made hazard.

The snow on my skin burns
but the concrete I'm standing on burns hotter.

Eyes

Everyday I see her. She smiles and says "hello" while casually averting her eyes downward, avoiding any real sense of contact. I love her.
I don't love her in the sense that I would marry her or that I want to be with her. In fact, conversely, I love her for not caring about me. I would easily do anything to just kiss her once and yet, at the same time, that would kill my love for her. It is not about having something or someone that you can't have and "be careful what you wish for." It's about expectations. It's about tragically being in love with someone who will never know it.
There is the chance of course that she feels the same way for me. Someday, maybe we'll get together. But it will end, as most things do.
When I do make eye contact with her, or anyone for that matter, I can only see how our relationship will end. Whether it be a stranger, a friend, a lover, or a family member, I can only see the reasons why I should not get close to them. I care for these people so much that it tears me apart to see how our knowledge of each other will end. I steer away from being close and lose my love. I gain hope. Hope that someone can break that barrier. Hope that someone will force their way into my life to make me care and make me love.

 I hope that when I see her eyes, I see our lives ending together... I hope one day she looks at me.

Smile

Why is it that I constantly feel like a let down; as if everyone in my life was expecting something from me that I can't give them? I find it strange to feel this way because my entire life I have worked so hard to be unselfish and fulfill others' needs before my own. I have always been the one to make fun of myself for a laugh and let others do the same to me without taking any of the ridicule to heart. I always recognize when people are having an off day and I try and make them feel better. At work I bottle up my emotion because I know that it is not a customer's fault that I'm having a bad day and I don't like to take out my anger on employees.I'd rather spread happiness over annoyance. I gave so much of myself in my relationships with others to the point where I feel that maybe I don't have much more to give.
Is that the case? Have I simply shared so much of myself and tried so hard to be exactly what someone needs that I just have nothing left to give? Maybe I have become selfish of my time and my feelings. I just wish I could shake that feeling that nothing I could do would ever be good enough. I wish I could stop letting everyone down and just give them what they need. I just don't think I know what they need. I don't think I know what I need.

I just want to see a smile every now and then.

Shared

Everyone in this room will die. Not right now. Probably not tomorrow. Probably, tomorrow, everyone will be back in this room. But all of us will die.
That's probably the only thing we have in common. Or maybe not. Maybe we all love pizza, or something stranger. We have all seen the same episode of Three's Company. We have all loved someone or something. We have all cried. We were babies once.
But I share nothing with these people, or rather, they share nothing with me.
Except that they are in this room.
And we are alive.