Everyday I see her. She smiles and says "hello" while casually averting her eyes downward, avoiding any real sense of contact. I love her.
I don't love her in the sense that I would marry her or that I want to be with her. In fact, conversely, I love her for not caring about me. I would easily do anything to just kiss her once and yet, at the same time, that would kill my love for her. It is not about having something or someone that you can't have and "be careful what you wish for." It's about expectations. It's about tragically being in love with someone who will never know it.
There is the chance of course that she feels the same way for me. Someday, maybe we'll get together. But it will end, as most things do.
When I do make eye contact with her, or anyone for that matter, I can only see how our relationship will end. Whether it be a stranger, a friend, a lover, or a family member, I can only see the reasons why I should not get close to them. I care for these people so much that it tears me apart to see how our knowledge of each other will end. I steer away from being close and lose my love. I gain hope. Hope that someone can break that barrier. Hope that someone will force their way into my life to make me care and make me love.
I hope that when I see her eyes, I see our lives ending together... I hope one day she looks at me.
